Trigger Warning: While I try to keep things PG13, one scene may be inappropriate for younger readers. This chapter involves the topic of miscarriage. If you are sensitive or triggered by this topic, I advise you not read this chapter.
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After we got married, the two of us decided that we wanted to start a family right away.
One day, several months later, I woke up feeling sick--very sick. I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. We were finally going to have a baby! I ran to Apricot to tell him the news.
Lilac: Apri, guess what?!
Apricot: What, babe? You're very excited about whatever it is. Tell me.
Lilac: I'm pregnant! *smiling*
Apricot: No kidding? That's great! We need to tell everyone.
He was so excited that he was beaming. Then we went to tell my parents, who were very happy for us.
Plum: Congratulations, sweetie. I know how long you've been trying. You guys will be great parents!
Snow: Yes, congrats, baby!
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Winterfest arrived, and I was at the end of my first trimester of pregnancy, and already starting to show. We were all in such good spirits.
Later in the afternoon, however, the good feelings diminished. I suddenly started getting really bad cramps, ones that are not normal for this stage of my pregnancy. I was in a lot of pain and there was a lot of blood. I immediately knew something was wrong.
Lilac: Apri! We need to go to the hospital. NOW!
Apricot: S*** Okay, let's go.
We went to the hospital, were my doctor admitted me immediately. We anxiously awaited news as to what was happening with the baby. He comes into the room, and tells us what's happening.
Doctor: I have news for you, and I'm afraid it isn't good. Your baby didn't make it, you had a miscarriage. I'm sorry, I know how much this baby meant to you. I know it's hard to process, I'm sorry for your loss. You are free to go whenever you please.
Lilac: *sniffling* Doctor, before you go, out of curiosity, could you tell us what the sex of the baby was. So we can remember him/her.
Doctor: It was a girl.
Lilac: Thank you, Doctor.
With that, he left the room. I can tell he hated giving that kind of news. As you can imagine, Apricot and I were devastated. For the longest time, we were trying to conceive, and we finally did, and then we lose the baby. We went home and grieved, because we didn't know what else to do.
My mom came over to me, wanting to talk. Apricot left to give us some space. I didn't feel like talking, but I know Mom wouldn't take no for an answer.
Snow: Honey, I need to tell you something that I never told anyone except for your father. After Grape was born, I got pregnant and lost the baby. It would have been a girl. After losing her, I thought something was wrong with me. I thought that I couldn't have daughters, especially since I had no problems carrying your brothers. That was the darkest time of my life, and it is what made me turn to comfort from Cotton Candy who was a friend at the time, and because your father was always working. That is how I got pregnant with Cloud. When I got pregnant with you, I was so afraid that I was going to lose you, like I lost your sister. I guess you can say, that's why I always treated you differently than your brothers. I was so happy to have you and didn't want to risk losing you too.
I was stunned. Why hadn't Mom mentioned this before? In that moment, I felt closer to her than I ever had before. She knew what I was going through, and I found comfort in that.
Snow: I know it's hard, Lilac, but it happens. You didn't do anything wrong, and there's nothing wrong with you; sometimes babies just don't make it. It will get easier over time, but you will never forget this day. We are all here for you, to help you when you need it. Remember that. And most of all, remember that we love you.
Lilac: *still crying* T-thanks mom. I appreciate you sharing that with me. I just need to grieve right now.
Mom was right. I will never forget this day. That baby will forever be in my memory even though I never really met her. I wonder if I will be like my mom, and have a hard time carrying girls? Is it something that is genetic? I hope not. I have always wanted a daughter, so I'm hoping I will be able to have a healthy little girl of my own. In the end, whatever children I do have, I will love them with all my heart. For now, we just need to keep our heads up, and try again.
<- Chapter 2-2
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